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Motherhood 1.2 – How our kids teach us not to give a s***!

Motherhood 1.2.jpg

Long gone are the days when you look around and consider what other people are thinking or saying about you. Long gone are the days of stressing frantically to make your baby stop screaming when in public places, only because you are scared to appear as if you are not in control. There is simply no time or interest in those reflections anymore.

After the first couple of weeks with the first baby, you genuinely start to not give a s***. It’s one of the great consequences of having children. Your level of interest in what other people think is heavily reduced, at the cost of all the energy, time and care you put into your new born. And it doesn’t stop there.

You come to an important conscious or unconscious conclusion: What other people think doesn’t actually matter! If they think you are an amazing mother or a crappy one, doesn’t make any bit of difference to your life. This newfound realization extends into your everyday life, even when you are without your baby. At work for instance, you may find yourself less bothered by certain trivial drama that used to get you upset and you will be shaking those little shoulders a bit more often at the office-politics you once engaged in. Perspective. Having children brings perspective.

You child also forces you to take a stand, have an opinion and sometimes having to defend it, to yourself, your spouse or to your child. You will reflect on your perception of yourself and of the world around you. These processes are strengthening and brings better self-confidence, which in turn makes you less inclined to care too much about what other people think about you. Few of my friends that are single, sometimes say they feel that newbie mothers can come across as slightly conceited to begin with, but I believe that is a natural consequence of the shift of importance in our priorities when entering motherhood. We must somehow shut out the rest of the world, if even for a little while, both in body and mind, to enable the focus and care a newborn deserves and also to facilitate our own healing and comeback. It’s hard, and it’s a lot at the same time. So, of course, we will not be able to engage fully, in the same way we have before, and our environment should not expect that of us.

I embraced this newfound sense of not giving a s*** and gladly extended it into other areas of my life, and I actually feel it has made me a better person. I was never very concerned with what other people thought about me or what they thought about my life choices, but after having children, I must say, I care even less.



The best remedy for a sucky day!

sucky day.jpgWe all have those days when everything goes wrong from the very beginning.

We wake up, tired, by a baby screaming in our ear.

When we lift baby up from the bed, we realize the need to upgrade the diaper size to No 6 XXL because the baby just filled the diaper and the bed with wee. Cussing no 1.

We go out into the kitchen, only to realize that we forgot to buy coffee the day before while in the shop. Cussing no 2.

Late for school drop off, and realize on the way there that we left the swimming trunks for today’s swimming class on the kitchen table. Cussing no 3.

And so it continues…

By the time you are supposed to hit the gym, all kinds of excuses will come to mind:

-I am stressed, so I won’t be able to focus and do things properly anyway

-I didn’t get enough sleep

-I should really rather do some extra work, its s busy right now

-I haven’t eaten properly anyways, so I will not have enough energy

All these excuses, when in fact exercise is exactly what you need. The perfect remedy!

Exercise has the remarkable ability to make you feel just that little bit better about yourself and your life. And it’s not some kind of magic involved here, no rabbits jumping out of hats, it’s the amazing physiological finding called endorphins.

The principal function of endorphins is to inhibit the transmission of pain signals and there are theories suggesting that endorphins were introduced in us humans in order for us to handle the strains of hunting and running longer distances. Our bodies have the most amazing security system, even against ourselves and our own natural functions. The effect endorphins had on us would stop us from giving up and falling down on the ground from exhaustion while trying to run after and kill that yummi bison : ) A way to distract us from our own bodily limits on our quest for food for survival. I find it rather fascinating, that today when working out, we are aware of this lovely piece of hormone that is released into our system, we can understand and expect it. That carrot, along with the intellectual realization that exercise is going to make you feel better about your day and everything in it, should be enough for you to get your butt moving!

Now, I’m about to move my butt into bed! Nighty!



A new kind of threat

You are walking home, late at night. Alone.

Perhaps you went to a party at a friends house and decided to save a few bucks on the transport home.

It’s just 2 blocks away from your house, so what could possibly happen, right?

He is hiding in the darkness, waiting for someone like you to walk by.

He jumps out when you least expect it, pulls you into a dark alley and…

That, is our image of the “Classic Rape”.

Of course, most of us know, that this rape is in fact not all that common, but rather the unusual one. The most common rape is the one that takes place in the house, by the very people who claim they care about us the most, be it our close friends, brothers, uncles or husbands.
But, there is another form of rape, one that is even more difficult to detect and near impossible to prosecute against; The “Internet Rape”

I first heard about this in a documentary from Sweden, but since then I read about a number of cases all around the world.

Imagine that you have a teenage daughter, she is browsing online as she would any normal evening, but this particular evening a young, sweet guy sends her a message over Facebook. He says that she looks cute and asks if they can chat. He looks very cool, a little bit older than her perhaps.

They start chatting, he is funny and caring. He asks her for a picture. She sends it to him, just a random picture she has on her phone. They chat some more the next couple of days. She feels like a grownup, he makes her feel special and beautiful, like a woman, when in fact she is still a child.

Then, he asks for a picture of her by the beach or at the poolside, maybe wearing a bikini. She sends it to him. It continues like that, until she finally sends him a picture of herself naked. That’s when everything changes. Suddenly this cute, young and caring guy turns into a threatening, awful older man. He says that if she doesn’t continue to send him pictures and videos of her doing exactly what he asks her to do, then he will spread the naked picture of her to all her friends, family, her school mates and her teachers. Everyone will see her. She gets frightened, and thinks that if she just gives him what he wants once or twice he will go away, but that’s not what happens. It gets worse, and worse, and the more material she gives him, the more scared she will become of him sending it out.

The Internet Rape happens from the comfort of her own home, without any physical interaction. For those out there who would argue that this isn’t rape, doesn’t fully understand what rape really is. It is not only about sex, it has more to do with control and power. He has control over her, she has to do what he tells her to do, and that’s what it’s about.

One young girl in Sweden took her own life, as a result of this. It’s serious and something that I think every mum and dad with teenage girls out there should be aware of. Be attentive to changes in your daughter’s behavior, ask her questions about what she is doing online and try to read between the lines.

I don’t have teenagers yet, and I don’t have daughters, but I felt this is still an important piece of information to spread. Times are constantly changing and with technology new opportunities of interaction are opening up, but they are opening up for everyone, including the ones with bad intentions. We must therefore enlighten each other and more importantly, speak about this with our children. This is not about invading the privacy of our children, but rather about keeping them safe from these invisible threats, lurking in the dark.



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